Love this piece. I’m glad that you didn’t find out your father had died via a phone call that said, “Dad’s dead.” 😳🙈 It’s a beautifully written tribute — and funny. I lost my Father this year and it just sucks! Sending love and best wishes. 🫶🏻
Yeah, I guess the phone call would have been a pretty shitty way to find out. I still can’t decide if being there when he actually died was a Good Thing, however. It was pretty traumatic. Sometimes I wish it could be like it was with my sister’s horse. She sold her to a family and we never asked for an update. In our minds, the horse is still out there living her best life. Dad definitely isn’t 🤣
My sister and I had been visiting our Dad in the hospital for about a month and he let go when we’d all gone for the day (all being his sisters too) and then I think they called my older sister to see if we wanted to see him after he’d gone and we decided not to. Which they seemed to think was odd. Maybe for the same reason. It was awful enough seeing him dying… I guess your sibling 1 and 4 (was it?) had the right idea. 🙈
1&4 just turned up for the funeral. Sibling 5 was there did but did not stay for the turning off or visit the body afterwards. I often think she made the right call on the viewing (and she couldn’t have been there for the death anyway as she had a new baby to look after). I’m not sure seeing the body helps, but I know some people find it does. Who knows?
A brilliant anecdote with additional anecdotes ("One nice ending is when we all went to Pizza Hut and had a really awful meal and the next day the Pizza Hut burned down") and now I want to hear *all* the anecdotes. This is the kind of humour writing / memoir / self-aware meta-analysis I am here for.
Wowee I’m so chuffed with all these lovely messages. That’s so kind of you to say this! I had no idea people wild enjoy this so much. I nearly didn’t send it out!
thank you for sharing this Katie, I think in part that's the joy of siblings, you have your own DNA coded sense of humour and all family events (even the saddest) have an element of comedy about them. Your story arriving in my inbox was well timed, as I was actually off to my SIL's father's funeral that day and was thinking of my own Dad's death coming on for 8 years ago. All those Dads' hanging out together on the other side like some kind of old man Dirty Sanchez (remember that?) what was the Welsh one called? Pranking and gooning around in the afterlife. Sarah
Yes! Even though I actually rarely (if ever) speak to some of them, there is still that inclination to tell stories when we do see each other. (And my dad would be the person on the sidelines disapproving of any boisterous behaviour. He wasn’t really a man’s man, which is just as well with all those females in the house! 🤣)
"I once saw a tweet (or an article?) about someone who absolutely despises the notion of having or telling anecdotes" - bet they only ever get invited to parties once. This was lovely. A family death always has that catalytic effect of making you all look around at each other and wonder how you got here and why. But it's the shared stories that make it worthwhile.
It’s funny because most of us are not close and there is a LOT of pretty horrible history there, and yet I can’t help looking at them all on the extremely rare occasions we’re together and feeling a strange joy in our shared stories (the good ones anyway)
“One nice ending is when we all went to Pizza Hut and had a really awful meal and the next day the Pizza Hut burned down.” 🤣
I hard relate to being in a family of anecdotes. I think it’s the combo of my Jamaican and Irish upbringing. Where’s the craic without the story? When I shared the story of the dad my father died and the day of his funeral on my podcast, I had messages from people saying they were creasing themselves laughing. It’s as it should be.
Beautifully written, and thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing this funny and moving tribute. I read your piece yesterday, then lost track of it, so I'm glad to re-find it (and you) today. Death can be farcical and you've described it so well. There were definitely farcical elements to my own dad's death. I thought, if he is looking down on all this, it's a good job he's a fan of Laurel and Hardy. (That's who the undertakers reminded me of.)
I remember Cherry Coombe recently shared a piece about her mum's death that also had elements of farce and was a very good read. Laughter and tears are closely related.
Thanks for this lovely comment. So much of death is farcical isn’t it. We could have spent a lot of time being very angry about the way my dad died, but the laughter helped a lot…Will seek out Cherry’s piece! Thanks!
I feel bad for having found a story about death so entertaining, but you told it so well I really did. Also, your dad sounds awesome, and your family reminds me so much of Terry’s (He’s one of 5, although 4 boys and a girl. One of them famously “doesn’t like funerals”, and would no doubt get along well with your hospital- hating sibling); please say you’re planning to write more about them!
Wonderful piece. My mum and dad and aunts were full of anecdotes, and noone else remembers them which makes me sad, because if you are the only one telling them, they sound completely made up. You need to have people all round you joining in...
That’s really sad! There’s an amazing and beautiful song sung by King Creosote (it’s a cover but I like his best) called “And The Racket They Made” which is all about the loss of stories. “And I hope the empty shells and bones of your stories
Will litter and clutter the shores
And I hope that when I find them
I'll remember how they danced
And the racket they made
When they were alive” I definitely feel the loss of my dad’s stories. I recorded him telling loads of them but I LOST them! I used to be a tech journalist and I had a lot of cameras. I have no idea which one I used or where the footage got it. It’s a real loss.
This is the most wonderful and heartbreaking thing. Someone else's death is undoubtedly the weirdest thing we ever have to process; their resurrection surely a weirder one. x
Katie, such a beautifully written, engaging, addictive tribute. I love your writing, but I'm sorry your Dad (and you all) went through so much. How inspiring to have a sense of humour, still. Big love x
Love this. My mum died two years ago and sharing anecdotes is where I am at now. Anyone who spoke to her came away discovering they'd been volunteered for something and they had no idea how. A couple of years before her death I discovered that she quite enjoyed mispronouncing all the words that had had us in stitches over the years. Such as broccula, which as a family we turned into 'broccula the vegetable of the night.
Love this piece. I’m glad that you didn’t find out your father had died via a phone call that said, “Dad’s dead.” 😳🙈 It’s a beautifully written tribute — and funny. I lost my Father this year and it just sucks! Sending love and best wishes. 🫶🏻
Yeah, I guess the phone call would have been a pretty shitty way to find out. I still can’t decide if being there when he actually died was a Good Thing, however. It was pretty traumatic. Sometimes I wish it could be like it was with my sister’s horse. She sold her to a family and we never asked for an update. In our minds, the horse is still out there living her best life. Dad definitely isn’t 🤣
My sister and I had been visiting our Dad in the hospital for about a month and he let go when we’d all gone for the day (all being his sisters too) and then I think they called my older sister to see if we wanted to see him after he’d gone and we decided not to. Which they seemed to think was odd. Maybe for the same reason. It was awful enough seeing him dying… I guess your sibling 1 and 4 (was it?) had the right idea. 🙈
1&4 just turned up for the funeral. Sibling 5 was there did but did not stay for the turning off or visit the body afterwards. I often think she made the right call on the viewing (and she couldn’t have been there for the death anyway as she had a new baby to look after). I’m not sure seeing the body helps, but I know some people find it does. Who knows?
A brilliant anecdote with additional anecdotes ("One nice ending is when we all went to Pizza Hut and had a really awful meal and the next day the Pizza Hut burned down") and now I want to hear *all* the anecdotes. This is the kind of humour writing / memoir / self-aware meta-analysis I am here for.
Wowee I’m so chuffed with all these lovely messages. That’s so kind of you to say this! I had no idea people wild enjoy this so much. I nearly didn’t send it out!
It’s so good. Know your worth. I love this kind of thing, and it’s smartly written.
thank you for sharing this Katie, I think in part that's the joy of siblings, you have your own DNA coded sense of humour and all family events (even the saddest) have an element of comedy about them. Your story arriving in my inbox was well timed, as I was actually off to my SIL's father's funeral that day and was thinking of my own Dad's death coming on for 8 years ago. All those Dads' hanging out together on the other side like some kind of old man Dirty Sanchez (remember that?) what was the Welsh one called? Pranking and gooning around in the afterlife. Sarah
Yes! Even though I actually rarely (if ever) speak to some of them, there is still that inclination to tell stories when we do see each other. (And my dad would be the person on the sidelines disapproving of any boisterous behaviour. He wasn’t really a man’s man, which is just as well with all those females in the house! 🤣)
"I once saw a tweet (or an article?) about someone who absolutely despises the notion of having or telling anecdotes" - bet they only ever get invited to parties once. This was lovely. A family death always has that catalytic effect of making you all look around at each other and wonder how you got here and why. But it's the shared stories that make it worthwhile.
It’s funny because most of us are not close and there is a LOT of pretty horrible history there, and yet I can’t help looking at them all on the extremely rare occasions we’re together and feeling a strange joy in our shared stories (the good ones anyway)
“One nice ending is when we all went to Pizza Hut and had a really awful meal and the next day the Pizza Hut burned down.” 🤣
I hard relate to being in a family of anecdotes. I think it’s the combo of my Jamaican and Irish upbringing. Where’s the craic without the story? When I shared the story of the dad my father died and the day of his funeral on my podcast, I had messages from people saying they were creasing themselves laughing. It’s as it should be.
Beautifully written, and thank you for sharing your story.
I sometimes forget that other people don’t think everything is a laughing matter. Laughter at a funeral is the best tribute I think!
Thanks for sharing this funny and moving tribute. I read your piece yesterday, then lost track of it, so I'm glad to re-find it (and you) today. Death can be farcical and you've described it so well. There were definitely farcical elements to my own dad's death. I thought, if he is looking down on all this, it's a good job he's a fan of Laurel and Hardy. (That's who the undertakers reminded me of.)
I remember Cherry Coombe recently shared a piece about her mum's death that also had elements of farce and was a very good read. Laughter and tears are closely related.
Thanks for this lovely comment. So much of death is farcical isn’t it. We could have spent a lot of time being very angry about the way my dad died, but the laughter helped a lot…Will seek out Cherry’s piece! Thanks!
Yes, very much agree, Katie.
I just re-found Cherry’s piece:
https://open.substack.com/pub/cherrycoombe/p/an-ordinary-death?r=cmaaf&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Bloody love this Katie..lovely insight into your family, especially your Dad and his humour. All completely relatable! High five! X
Thanks Liz! The response to this here and on FB has been really lovely. Really appreciate every kind comment
I feel bad for having found a story about death so entertaining, but you told it so well I really did. Also, your dad sounds awesome, and your family reminds me so much of Terry’s (He’s one of 5, although 4 boys and a girl. One of them famously “doesn’t like funerals”, and would no doubt get along well with your hospital- hating sibling); please say you’re planning to write more about them!
I’d like to but also they scare me 😂
Wonderful piece. My mum and dad and aunts were full of anecdotes, and noone else remembers them which makes me sad, because if you are the only one telling them, they sound completely made up. You need to have people all round you joining in...
That’s really sad! There’s an amazing and beautiful song sung by King Creosote (it’s a cover but I like his best) called “And The Racket They Made” which is all about the loss of stories. “And I hope the empty shells and bones of your stories
Will litter and clutter the shores
And I hope that when I find them
I'll remember how they danced
And the racket they made
When they were alive” I definitely feel the loss of my dad’s stories. I recorded him telling loads of them but I LOST them! I used to be a tech journalist and I had a lot of cameras. I have no idea which one I used or where the footage got it. It’s a real loss.
This one really made me laugh.
Maybe that’s insensitive bearing in mind the topic, but it was really funny and I could hear you telling me the yarn.
Laughing is the best response of the many available!
This is the most wonderful and heartbreaking thing. Someone else's death is undoubtedly the weirdest thing we ever have to process; their resurrection surely a weirder one. x
Thanks for the kind words Alex! It’s always hard to know what to send out, but people seem to like hearing about my family and early years!
Katie, such a beautifully written, engaging, addictive tribute. I love your writing, but I'm sorry your Dad (and you all) went through so much. How inspiring to have a sense of humour, still. Big love x
That’s really lovely to hear, Laura! You’re v kind.
Love this. My mum died two years ago and sharing anecdotes is where I am at now. Anyone who spoke to her came away discovering they'd been volunteered for something and they had no idea how. A couple of years before her death I discovered that she quite enjoyed mispronouncing all the words that had had us in stitches over the years. Such as broccula, which as a family we turned into 'broccula the vegetable of the night.