I reckon I could take Paddington in a fight

What about you?

Happy New Year one and all!

I had such big plans. All Christmas I’ve been mentally composing a list of the most implausible moments in the festive fantasy that was Black Doves (number one obviously being the idea that Keira Knightley and Ben Whishaw – delightful though they are – could take ANYONE AT ALL in a fight), but I never quite got the chance to write it, and now it feels like the moment has passed.

After all, it’s a show about how a stay-at-home mother goes AWOL during the entire run up to Christmas, spends all her time wandering the famously empty streets of London brandishing weapons, waltzes into the American embassy like it’s a Waitrose, presses her fingerprints into every surface she meets and tosses DNA about like it’s tinsel – and yet somehow still gets all the presents wrapped before Christmas Eve.¹

I don’t know about you, but as soon as Christmas is over, anything Christmassy immediately feels too rich for my blood. I will drink Advocaat like a brandy-custard-loving fiend all Advent long, but after New Year’s Eve the idea of an alcoholic eggy drink leaves me faintly bilious. Luckily, I’ve always finished the entire bottle by then so it’s not a problem.

So, I didn’t get round to writing the Black Doves piece and now, like the sherry, it must be put in a dark cupboard and left to gather dust, but I DID play an awful lot of Stardew Valley², and we also – Christmas miracle! – managed to turn our building site of a house into a respectable space in time for the festivities. Eat that, Knightley. You’re not the only one who didn’t wrinkle a brow getting the decorations up.

But wait, there’s more!

Even more miraculous was the fact that I GOT MY BOOK OUT! The Man In The Wall by KJ Lyttleton (me) is OUT NOW!!

Holding the proof copy

Book one in the Aldhill Mysteries series is available via Amazon for the low, low price of £1.99 on Kindle. Here’s the blurbage:

Journalist Phil McGinty knows her stepdad Clive didn’t kill himself on a school building site seven years ago. Now she’s got five days working undercover to prove it.

Meanwhile, DS Jen Collet has her own mystery to solve. A body has fallen out of another school wall, but Jen’s superiors seem strangely unwilling to connect this murder to the death of Clive McGinty.

With Jen’s bosses closing ranks and Phil’s time running out, two investigators from different worlds must navigate political scheming and corporate cover-ups to get to the truth

The Man In The Wall already has two five-star reviews by genuine readers who aren’t related to me or under any kind of friendship obligation³. Can you believe that?!

Here’s some more feedback from the lovely Beta readers:

‘I absolutely LOVED IT. I found it gripping but relatable. All in all, you're on my list of favourite crime authors!’

‘Deep into it. Loving it.’

‘I enjoyed the book! Most of all I liked your interior monologue pieces which really brought the characters to life.’

‘Absolutely loved it, I really wasn't expecting how it turned out. Like a book that keeps me guessing and has plenty of twists.’

So there you go! Proper crime readers liked it, which I will NEVER get tired of reminding myself.

You can buy your copy here.

Just time for one more Christmas miracle

Aggy the dog, not content with trying to kill herself once already this year, tried again just as we were leaving my sister’s house before Christmas. After a morning of puking and dooking, we took a risk that the worst was over and headed off down the M6.

More fool us.

God bless the girls, who caught the first load of vomit in a plastic bag with the cool dexterity of children who have been through this before (and still tell visitors about the time the dog vomited up a cat poo in the car and the youngest caught it in a tupperware). Shortly after that, the dog was good enough to give us fair warning about the emergency evacuation about to take place at the other end, so we pulled over for the third time and I started googling for vets along the M6.

All I can say is that vets in Cheshire are lovely and Aggy ended up being very well looked after. As usual, we have no idea what caused the outbreak, but it was almost certainly something she’d hoovered up off the floor at some point.

Here she is in the car a few hours after the anti-vom medication, still looking a little disappointed in herself.

The thousand-yard stare phase didn’t last long

This period of introspection was short-lived. This is the fourth time she has tried to see herself off, but apparently no lessons have been learned. Just yesterday she ate something unidentified at the bus stop. If Aggy had a motto it would certainly be #NoRegrets.⁴

Right then, that’s enough talk of unpleasant things. Have a lovely rest of the weekend. Please do buy my book, I’ll love you forever.

Bye!

Katie “KJ Lyttleton” Lee

PS. If you’re subscribed because you’re keen on reading the comedy sci-fi, stay tuned for more news on that soon.

PPS. There was a WHALE in the sea at St Leonards yesterday. Can you believe it? I saw the huge splash, but not the creature itself, sadly. And then, thinking I must have imagined it, we went home, only to discover loads of people had seen it larking about like a big attention-seeker. Oh, how I wish I’d been there to give it all my attention.

1. However, I can’t pass up the opportunity to discuss the absurdity of – SPOILER – weedy Keira marching a strangely obliging trained assassin to a shed to shoot him in the back of the head.

2. Which increasingly feels like having a second job

3. Speaking of which, where ARE the reviews from the people under friendship obligation? If you identify as my friend, you can look forward to the relentless pestering that will soon be coming your way.

4. If you think this story is all a bit TMI, then you should see the bits I left out. Just don’t come round my house, because the youngest won’t spare you the details.